oh christmas tree

U-J3RK5

(You Jerk! - The "5" is silent)

Vancouver based band from the late 1970's.
Band members include: Ian Wallace, Jeff Wall, Rodney Graham, Kitty Byrne, Colin Griffiths, Danice McLeod, Frank Ramirez and David Wisdom.

Listen here and here

Only in BC: Keep Pesticides Outdoors

"Wood and metal particles found in some Rolaids SoftChews have led to a recall of the popular antacid."

"Man didn't plan to kill ex-boss at party: lawyer"

However, Fowler maintained, Kirkpatrick did not intend to kill his former boss — in fact, Kirkpatrick liked Banky and even brought him a present at the party, he said.

He took a shotgun to the party just to get attention, the lawyer said. However, Kirkpatrick ended up firing the gun a number of times.

The first defence witness, toxicologist Wayne Jeffery, testified about the possible side-effects of Kirkpatrick's epilepsy medication, including nausea, impaired judgment, confusion and slurred speech.

New Westminster cat dunked in paint thinner"

"We could smell it. I mean, I think it's paint thinner — I'm not an expert in chemicals or anything, but it smelled like paint thinner.


Also a loaded Rocket Launcher was found in Nanaimo.

SCHOOLS OUT!

sacred

TO JACK SCOTT, VANCOUVER SUN

October 1, 1958 57 Perry Street New York City

Sir,

I got a hell of a kick reading the piece Time magazine did this week on The Sun. In addition to wishing you the best of luck, I'd also like to offer my services.

Since I haven't seen a copy of the "new" Sun yet, I'll have to make this a tentative offer. I stepped into a dung-hole the last time I took a job with a paper I didn't know anything about (see enclosed clippings) and I'm not quite ready to go charging up another blind alley.

By the time you get this letter, I'll have gotten hold of some of the recent issues of The Sun. Unless it looks totally worthless, I'll let my offer stand. And don't think that my arrogance is unintentional: it's just that I'd rather offend you now than after I started working for you. [...]

The enclosed clippings should give you a rough idea of who I am. It's a year old, however, and I've changed a bit since it was written. I've taken some writing courses from Columbia in my spare time, learned a hell of a lot about the newspaper business, and developed a healthy contempt for journalism as a profession.

As far as I'm concerned, it's a damned shame that a field as potentially dynamic and vital as journalism should be overrun with dullards, bums, and hacks, hag-ridden with myopia, apathy, and complacence, and generally stuck in a bog of stagnant mediocrity. If this is what you're trying to get The Sun away from, then I think I'd like to work for you.

Most of my experience has been in sports writing, but I can write everything from warmongering propaganda to learned book reviews.

I can work 25 hours a day if necessary, live on any reasonable salary, and don't give a black damn for job security, office politics, or adverse public relations.

I would rather be on the dole than work for a paper I was ashamed of. [...]

Sincerely, Hunter S. Thompson

(needless to say, he did not get the job)

the day my lord will come, I will be protected by a poncho, or love and kisses.

conversation in queensborough:

me: you cut down all your trees
old man (standing sixty feet away about to get into his car): yep, time to make toilet paper
me: heh
old man: how many do you want
me: oh


tax-free event at the real canadian super-store:
barges of toilet paper floating around the store, the occasion glimpse of a face to make sure no major collisions occur; a soft impact.

This is Postmodern.

Its THAT time of year again!

the heartbeat of the 1980s - can't touch this.

Adrienne Salinger
Teenagers in their bedrooms.

teenagers are so akward.

"When a man is just born, he is weak and flexible. When he dies, he is hard and insensitive. When a tree is growing, it's tender and pliant. But when it's dry and hard, it dies. Hardness and strength are death's companions. Pliancy and weakness are expressions of the freshness of being. Because what has hardened will never win." - The Stalker

neighbors

"We see but one aspect of our neighbor, as we see but one side of the moon; in either case there is also a dark half which is unknown to us. We all come down to dinner, but each has a room to himself."

-Walter Bagehot, "Shakespeare," Literary Studies

lexicon

speak jive
&
around the world (slight stereotyping)
or saying nothing at all.

"At our best and most fortunate we make pictures because of what stands in front of the camera, to honor what is greater and more interesting than we are. We never accomplish this perfectly, though in return we are given something perfect -- a sense of inclusion. Our subject thus redefines us, and is part of the biography by which we want to be known"
-Robert Adams

The standard formula for success in the entertainment world: Beat it to death.

Its, oh so quiet...

This song was in my dream last night. I was a ghost that controlled light.
This

on explanation

"Ars Poetica"

The goose that laid the golden egg
Died looking up its crotch
To find out how its sphincter worked.
Would you lay well? Don't watch.

X.J. Kennedy

overheard at the checkouts:

"Its the end of the world, the apocalypse! do you want a bag?"

Discovery Channel Manifesto

A man was holding hostage three employees at the Discovery Channel headquarters demanding the following:

The Discovery Channel MUST broadcast to the world their commitment to save the planet and to do the following IMMEDIATELY:

1. The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn’s “My Ishmael” pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other’s inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!

2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs’ places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

3. All programs promoting War and the technology behind those must cease. There is no sense in advertising weapons of mass-destruction anymore. Instead, talk about ways to disassemble civilization and concentrate the message in finding SOLUTIONS to solving global military mechanized conflict. Again, solutions solutions instead of just repeating the same old wars with newer weapons. Also, keep out the fraudulent peace movements. They are liars and fakes and had no real intention of ending the wars. ALL OF THEM ARE FAKE! On one hand, they claim they want the wars to end, on the other, they are demanding the human population increase. World War II had 2 Billion humans and after that war, the people decided that tripling the population would assure peace. WTF??? STUPIDITY! MORE HUMANS EQUALS MORE WAR!

4. Civilization must be exposed for the filth it is. That, and all its disgusting religious-cultural roots and greed. Broadcast this message until the pollution in the planet is reversed and the human population goes down! This is your obligation. If you think it isn’t, then get hell off the planet! Breathe Oil! It is the moral obligation of everyone living otherwise what good are they??

5. Immigration: Programs must be developed to find solutions to stopping ALL immigration pollution and the anchor baby filth that follows that. Find solutions to stopping it. Call for people in the world to develop solutions to stop it completely and permanently. Find solutions FOR these countries so they stop sending their breeding populations to the US and the world to seek jobs and therefore breed more unwanted pollution babies. FIND SOLUTIONS FOR THEM TO STOP THEIR HUMAN GROWTH AND THE EXPORTATION OF THAT DISGUSTING FILTH! (The first world is feeding the population growth of the Third World and those human families are going to where the food is! They must stop procreating new humans looking for nonexistant jobs!)

6. Find solutions for Global Warming, Automotive pollution, International Trade, factory pollution, and the whole blasted human economy. Find ways so that people don’t build more housing pollution which destroys the environment to make way for more human filth! Find solutions so that people stop breeding as well as stopping using Oil in order to REVERSE Global warming and the destruction of the planet!

7. Develop shows that mention the Malthusian sciences about how food production leads to the overpopulation of the Human race. Talk about Evolution. Talk about Malthus and Darwin until it sinks into the stupid people’s brains until they get it!!

8. Saving the Planet means saving what’s left of the non-human Wildlife by decreasing the Human population. That means stopping the human race from breeding any more disgusting human babies! You’re the media, you can reach enough people. It’s your resposibility because you reach so many minds!!!

9. Develop shows that will correct and dismantle the dangerous US world economy. Find solutions for their disasterous Ponzi-Casino economy before they take the world to another nuclear war.

10. Stop all shows glorifying human birthing on all your channels and on TLC. Stop Future Weapons shows or replace the dialogue condemning the people behind these developments so that the shows become exposes rather than advertisements of Arms sales and development!

11. You’re also going to find solutions for unemployment and housing. All these unemployed people makes me think the US is headed toward more war.

Humans are the most destructive, filthy, pollutive creatures around and are wrecking what’s left of the planet with their false morals and breeding culture.

For every human born, ACRES of wildlife forests must be turned into farmland in order to feed that new addition over the course of 60 to 100 YEARS of that new human’s lifespan! THIS IS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE FOREST CREATURES!!!! All human procreation and farming must cease!

It is the responsiblity of everyone to preserve the planet they live on by not breeding any more children who will continue their filthy practices. Children represent FUTURE catastrophic pollution whereas their parents are current pollution. NO MORE BABIES! Population growth is a real crisis. Even one child born in the US will use 30 to a thousand times more resources than a Third World child. It’s like a couple are having 30 babies even though it’s just one! If the US goes in this direction maybe other countries will too!

Also, war must be halted. Not because it’s morally wrong, but because of the catastrophic environmental damage modern weapons cause to other creatures. FIND SOLUTIONS JUST LIKE THE BOOK SAYS! Humans are supposed to be inventive. INVENT, DAMN YOU!!

The world needs TV shows that DEVELOP solutions to the problems that humans are causing, not stupify the people into destroying the world. Not encouraging them to breed more environmentally harmful humans.

Saving the environment and the remaning species diversity of the planet is now your mindset. Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels.

The humans? The planet does not need humans.

You MUST KNOW the human population is behind all the pollution and problems in the world, and YET you encourage the exact opposite instead of discouraging human growth and procreation. Surely you MUST ALREADY KNOW this!

I want Discovery Communications to broadcast on their channels to the world their new program lineup and I want proof they are doing so. I want the new shows started by asking the public for inventive solution ideas to save the planet and the remaining wildlife on it.

These are the demands and sayings of Lee.

Lee, was later shot by Swat Team members, after they thought they saw him wielding a gun at a hostage.

after one week of working everyday, full time, i developed a corn on my ring toe (that is the fourth from the big toe.) To diagnose the corn, I turned to the internet and found the following information quite absorbing.

Islamic callus, aka prayer bump, third eye, or a "zebibah" which translates into raisin. A callus that has gathered after years of praying in the most devote, older, Muslim's forehead. The cause is the repeated friction between the forehead and the prayer mat, as Muslims pray more than five times in one day, meaning their forehead makes contact at least 34 times per day, or over one million times in their lifetime.

alopcia universalis: A man, who was very, very tanned came into my work and I just stared at him. I couldn't figure out why I found him so interesting to look at, until I realized he had no hair. No eyebrows, eyelashes, nose hairs, no hair at all. Is "why?'s" album called alopcia?

Sarah Palin is set to give a talk in Vancouver, part of her American Rogue tour, tickets are set at $500 dollars each.

Trichotillomania, is where you pull out you obsessively pull out you hair.

Whole Foods offers staff discounts based on their employees body mass index, where the thinner you are the bigger your staff discount. If you are a smoker you are automatically set in the bottom bracket of bronze, and if you are an athlete you are in the platinum category and get the biggest discount, sometimes up to 50% off. Just eat the pretzels while you pretend to shop.

Pile

Orgone

"What Hilary really is"

so a woman with trifocals came into my work and gave me an orgone accumulator/blaster the other day. She recommended these websites:

Basics of a Orgone blaster

How to protect ourselves

Everyone is a shapeshifting reptile, even Beyonce.

She claims to have a multi-ton accumulator, worth $200,000 in her backyard.

- I love attracting "interesting" people. I don't know how I do it.

ps. poor Wilhelm Reich. These people took his ideas way too far.

drugs and the public

drugs, by ratatat, the band sourced stock video footage that no one wanted on ghetty images and put together this bizzarre, strange, music video.

Dealing with the public is not the road to enlightenment.

He who thinks he’s bigger than the rest should go to the cemetery. There he’ll find what life really is: It’s a handful of dirt

North Korea online

North Korea's new website.
They tweet!
Everyone but those living North Korea knows this exists.

Exactitudes

Hundreds of (them)

"Somewhere, and I can't find where, I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" "No," said the priest, "not if you did not know." "Then why," asked the Eskimo earnestly, "did you tell me?"
- Annie Dillard

The B.C. government has canceled a program that tested the sexual responses of young sex offenders by attaching sensors to their genitals, after it learned one of the researchers has been charged with a sexual offense.

scissors, pigeon, window washer, basketball!

I forgot to remember

Maryhill Stonehenge in Maryhill Washing State is astromically aligned to the original in Wiltshire.
Off US Highway 97, and free admission, but donations are appreciated.

A monument to express that modern warfare was a form of needless human sacrifice.
-Sam Hill

curious customers

a) an albino woman who bought a five kilogram bar of white chocolate, white vanilla flakes, white frosting and sprinkles plus white parchment paper.
b) a person with more than half his body covered in purplish/blue birthmark down his face and splashing over his hands who bought four packages of foie gras.
c) a morbidly obese woman who exhaustively approached me for the restroom key, panting. She was in there for 20 minutes. After, we had to call it out of order, something exploded in there.

q: do you know when the bus comes?
a: (looks at her phone) on a cloudless night, when the stars are bright. (shows me her phone)

-davie and burrard, 3:30am, friday night.

Stuck

Mystery Box

the owl hid in fear.

British Burgers.

Landscapes for the Blues

Leaving

Morgue

news

on the home front, the world is collapsing, and people are ripping out each others vital organs. All there is left to do, is to start vodka eyeballing.

wait. re-read that headline: "Shrooming Cage Fighter Ripped Friend's Heart Out and Face Off, Allegedly"

Home in Point Roberts

Blowing in the Wind

Home in the Tall Grass

Chow

Gardens

Mail

North Star

Mirrored Pool

Pork in Store - Negativland

Noise

you have to love talking

Divorce

fat

housewives of america.

Apparitions of Things to Come

Methemoglobinemia
or
Imagination?

Triplets De Magenta

California Diner

Liberty

A Faceless Smoke

Injuries

Cemetery

Red Smoking Moon

ricocheted snapshots

West Van Elder

Test Strip

Finger Stirring

Rose Bush

leaning trees

Inverness St.

Near 0 street.

smeared azure

I had been on my way home since 7, and it was 12:30 am when I stepped out to cross the street on Howe and Pender after getting out of the subway. I had been up since 4:30 to catch the first ferry to Victoria, and by the time I got into Vancouver, hours and hours later, the city; its drunks, its life were dusty, delirious, and dim. On the bus I had been watching a man flirting with a woman from Korea. I later saw him offer her his jacket to shield the cold night. She never spoke a single word. As I crossed the street of Howe and Pender, a blue car came speeding up to the crosswalk, it was vibrating with a booming bass, as the music was thumping at a high volume, I thought surely, it was some form of rap. When it got to me at the lines painted in the street, I noticed that the music wasn’t a gangster performance, but it was a Sarah Mclaughlin’s song that goes: “... cause we are born innocent”, and the person behind the wheel was a young teenager who’s face was contorted in passionate tears as she sang along to the song, at a higher volume than Sarah. She seemed completely distraught in her sorrows, grieving to an unknown pain. Her face shimmered a dark azure behind the red stop light. I crossed the street and got on the bus, where a fight broke out between drunk First Nations and a very drunk prostitute.

In threes Still Life

Diaphanous Books

if anything, do easy.

suburbian

Georgia East