this is freedom

the passed few days i have been disconnected from this modern century, i have been in saint louis, branson, silver dollar city, and anderson.
anderson doesn't even know what a public library is.
here is an attempt at catching up.

got into saint louis and went to a bar/club with caitlins friends, where a professional photographer was taking pictures of me that were going to be used as promotional shots. it was akward. it reminded me of when i was in chicago after the explosions in the sky show a kid from LA wanted to photograph me with his friend as a souvenier. we then walked around the loop, the main street of night events and looked at the stars on the ground, Miles Davis, William Burroughs, Pulitzer Prize guy are just a few famous people from this city. Went to a late night Diner called the Courtesy Diner where drunken people were dancing in the parking lot. They served sides of burritos.

checked out huge record shops, walked the arch grounds. some guy backed into the mississippi river with a pick up truck. Sat on a bridge drinking beer watching trains and a pigeon get run over by one. went to a bar to get 49 cent beers and ate white castle. honestly its not that amazing. i heard that they are made of liver. but theyre alright for like a quarter a burger.
i have about 32 mosquito bites.

rode bikes by the budweiser factory, monsanto factory, and saw where the real exorcist girl was hospitalized. we checked out the city museum, its a giant playground with school buses, airplanes and huge pipes hanging out a 10 story brick factory. it houses basically anything the city is going to throw out during an excavation, so theres ancient entertainment pharaphenelia (elvis, carnival, traffic, newspaper presses) and a huge cave in the basement that had us on our knees crawling through 2 foot passways under the entire building. rode home, drove around the hill, an italian district, saw an old fat woman bring in bed pillows to the restaraunt to sit on. had ted drews frozen custard for desert (i have adopted an american heartland value appetite-theres no other option). Freedom is the ability to tattoo a retard.

woke up early to start our drive to anderson, where we are staying with caitlin's friend tony's mom. we stopped at a rest area where the handwashing equipment was a "No-touch, no-move handwashing experience!" You stick your hands in, soap dispenses then wait, water will start spewing, then after 2 songs of happy birthday is sung (approx 30 seconds) hot air is blown, all in one box. Caitlin said once when she was biking around st. louis at 3am in a wal-mart parking lot she saw a trailer full of zebras. we stopped at a town where huge americans sat in the back of their pick up trucks because they couldn't fit on the inside. got really greasy pizza, deepfried catfish and these things called hushpuppies and crab rangooon. these teenage kids kept giving caitlin, tony and i the gun sign, and the call me sign followed by winking. it was weird. after 3 or so more hours we arrived in anderson missouri, a really, really small town with a local watering hole, but no library, no town centre, where the only grocery store is a gas station. we stayed with tonys mom who lives in a small, comfortable house with old relics scattered throughout the house and the yard (cars, candles, trinkits and other old crap). She had a motor boat and we all took it to a lake in Oklahoma. Tony put it in full throttle and we made it to the middle of the lake when the engine started to putter then die. We couldnt get the engine to start again and we only had one paddle. We tried to paddle but the lake was moving us fast in the wrong direction. Tonys sister blew some whistles and we waved and yelled at people at the trailer park across the lake. Luckiy some sun burned fellow drove up in a sea-do and towed us back to land. apparently the alternator blew. we drove to tonys sisters house. she is a 16 year old living in her own house across from city hall (an old shed like structure that was a train station) with her boyfriend a guy 22 who skates all day long and collects guitars. That night we drove out to an Oklahoma Casino, where it seemed the entire town was, as the parking lot was full at 1am. they offered endless free sodas in a neon light decorated box. we got alot of strange glances by old people chain-smoking playing 2 to 3 slot machines at one time. caitlin ended up wining maybe $3 dollars, i lost $15, and tony lost nearly $300. luckily most of his loosings were the casinos money. we were there well into 4am.

"can you make jerky out of human meat?" -tonys sister.

drove to a boat shop to repair the boat. it was nauseatingly hot. filled up a raft, drove it to the baptist church on elk creek and floated down the creek for a few hours. as we waited for tony to drive and pick us up at the town hole, this local started talking to caitlin and i. he asked us if we liked knives and showed us his switch blade (which he uses to give haircuts to his friends when they are sleeping), and said how most people in anderson were assholes and we should watch out. and how he carries 3 spare tires in his dodge dakota in case his tires get slashed.ate biscuits and gravy for lunch, then waited until midnight for dinner as the family argued regular family squaler. the dinner was huge, but i was so tired that my eyes were cloudy, i wasnt making any sense and i thought i was going to pass out leaving my head dunked in the shrimp cocktail.

woke up and started to drive to silver dollar city after moe biscuits and gravy. it is an 1880s deep-south themed amusement park with roller coasters and other rides. the workers look amish and look at city people as if they are wearing strange clothing. the accent is so intense, i sometimes have a little twang. i have never seen so many fat, white americans in one place before. after the park closed we sat in the parking lot and had beer and befriended the parking-lot patrol man to let us ride in his golf cart around the lot. We then drove down the main streets of Branson. It is so american, campy, disgustingly touristy that it is depressingly beautiful. Its like a Las Vegas for overweight rednecks that collect porcelain dolls. Huge We parked in a wal-mart lot. i went to the local mall to use the washroom and ran into a Jerry Lee Lewis impersonator in the centre hall. He was making this lady in the audience cluck like a chicken. She was an easy target for Jerry as there were only 4-6 people watching. The mall smelled like a dentist crossed with a leather store. The wal-mart sold 99 cent shirts with american pride symbols all over them. we took our bikes to Branson and started to ride them in the parking lot and we had these guys pull up in a white escalade ask us if we were putting on a bicycle show. On the way home we stopped at a gas station called QT and i had caffeine enhanced coffee.

woke up to a huge crock-pot roast for breakfast with gravy. Sat around in anderson watching trashy television shows and gilbert grape, which actually reminded me of where i was. Tony had a mini bike, a Honda that we took out for a spin. It was great, I felt like an old Shriner. headed for st. louis and stopped to eat at a jack in the box. i was told i had to experience the diverse flavors of this restaraunt. drove and slept, drove and slept until we reached the city. we had late night sushi. they have fucking cheeseburger rolls! went to a few bars where people thought i looked like either frank zappa, weird al, or richard simmons.

woke up and went to a few estate sales with caitlins mom and mark. strange experience looking through dead peoples shit. a giant market, and got a huge Reuben sandwich. and a few thrift shops. we went to this drug store called globe drugs that gets shit that doesn't sell from around the world, and sells it at a discount. they have imported wines for a few dollars, apple cinnamon cheddar cheetos, surprise gift wrap boxes where you don't know whats in them for only $2. tonight we are having a fun bbq with really good food.

that took everything out of me....

down by the river: beer, tattoos, country music, pick up trucks

most humid day. you had to slug your weight a few blocks before having to retire on hot steel benches as you gathered enough stamina to make it to the next block. came to a large roman building made of marble with a rolling, grassy lawn that had 2 ten foot shuttlecocks planted in the grass. also scattered throughout the lawn were perfectly pruned shrubbery, red walkways, and fountains. it reminded me of alice in wonderland. it was the kansas city art museum. checked it out.
when i left it started to rain. the rain was hot and not refreshing, as i am used to. went to a restaurant called Oklahoma Joes Famous BBQ. It has been winning the best bbq in the world since 1992. The best part about it was that it was in a gas station.
got back and made mixed tapes for our car ride to the Huzzah river. Huzzah is an expression. HUZZAH!

filled up the tank with gas and bought .49 cent fountain drinks. we passed the worlds largest rocking chair, vast sprawling forests, armadillos, turtles, badgers, deers, and other exotic animals dead on the side of the road, and the meramec caves. we passed towns called vienna, vichy, cuba, and versailles. apparently here versailles is pronounced (ver-sails). after a while down a dusty road and passing a town with a population of 200 we made it to the river. there was a group of folks lounging about all sprawling like in the sun. a bunch of guys came in pick up trucks and parked right by the water blaring the top ten of country music. actually there was only two or three radio stations, a country radio station, a baseball game being aired and the news which was about australian minimum wage. their entire family was present, aunts, uncles, granddad, and even the wee ones. A fire was started while children jumped off the bridge into the water. there were horse flies out to get you when you emerged from the water. caitlin found a crucifix on the bottom of the river. the water felt great and we swam, lounged and had beers until sunset.
we were able to stay at caitlins brothers place, even though he is lancaster california working with nasa, his girlfriend lives at his house in a town called Rolla. we ate a a mexican restaurant and had cheese burritos, cheese enchiladas and cheese with a side of cheese.
there was a dog that had to be at least 15 years old named "baby girl" at caitlins brothers house. it was no larger than a shoe. watched some good old american programming and went to bed.
woke up to rain and thunder that rattled the entire house. i thought windows were going to break it was so loud. the house is next to a baptist church which is next to an alcoholics recovery centre. had breakfast at a walmart and started our journey home.
ive been reading and am now about to go for a nightly bike ride. caitlin has to work at 6am. im going to sleep in and figure out what to do before she gets back and we start another drive, this time to St. Louis.
oh i saw a hard core mormon in the grocery store.

pretty bitch and contemporary art

there is an insane cat in this house who chases flies, runs up to your lap, throws up daily. he is white and has bright pink skin and a pink collar with diamonds; his name is fag toast.
i went to a large flea market and found booths full of old, stereotypical racist black paraphernalia. went to a costume shop and watched don try on a superman costume. went to a target and bought something. Returned it before getting back into the car. Caitlin and I went to see woody allens new movie staring larry david. i like their outlook. walked around empty parking lots looking at fire flies.
i walked into one of those fly tape traps and had to rip out a bunch of hair and the strands that stayed secured to my head are drenched in some form of glue.

rode caitlins bike around after cutting up my jeans and shirt, making it bearable to exist outside. i sweat too much. my body isnt accustomed to such a humidity; it still thinks that sweating will cool me down when it evaporates off my skin. well here it just lingers and makes its way down to your fingers.
checked out the contemporary art gallery here. huge section on joel myerwitz.
there was an elementry school field trip at the gallery on guided tours. let me tell you after the bike ride to the gallery accross town, ripping my shirt, pants, hair covered in glue and really, really sweaty i must have looked like a piece of contemporary art, because i was getting all the looks from these kids, not the shit hanging on the walls. actually i have been getting alot of looks from the locals, i must look to foreign or something to them. an old woman with short hair and a walker called me a pretty bitch as i peddled by her at her bus stop.
ate a place that apparently is one of the top 300 places to eat before you die. its called edens alley.
picked up more film. i have taken about 20 rolls of film so far. the majority of those are 220.
made some stuffing for dinner.
i was bit by a giant spider while sitting on the couch. it got my twice, on the arm and stomach. it really hurt and swelled up to about the size of loonies within minutes. i got nervous as there are some poisionous ones here and immediately took allergy pills and doused the bites in whatever lotions i had. my arm then started to go numb and pink. i sat outside and watched the bite.
however, nothing happened.
i went for a long walk, theres rabbits, birds, bugs, strange swooping trees. there is this bug in almost every tree that sounds like dial-up internet connection.

im going to get the flag shaved into my hair

after relaxing in chicago and seeing explosions in the sky play to a near sold out crowd in some ancient hall, i made my way to the heart of america. good bye ellen and joe! the best couchsurfers yet.
i took a double decker bus through the midwest, stopping at really interesting gas stations; it was kinda like coney island : bearded woman, men without teeth, knarled hands; entertaining and educational! Went through saint louis at 5am, not able to see anything and slept the rest of the way to kansas city. I stepped out of the bus into a suburban rainforest, where the humid moisture soaked everything instantly and felt like i had bronchitis and was breathing with a humidifier.
I was sitting in the lobby of a museum that boasts to have americas oldest and largest water wheels, off steamships that went around the lakes. I sat here and waited for caitlin to pick me up after work.
if my high school all grew up and lived in one city this may be it.
i have two dollars in my wallet.
I have already been approached by the police for reading on the sidewalk.
There was a farmers market i checked out. lots of artifical psychedelic pharaphenelia, amish cheese, and red necked workers selling barbequed legs of various animals.
After caitlin picked me up, along with her roomate we snuck into a swimming pool at a near by apartment complex and swam hearing tnt blowing off in the background a few hours early.
after dinner we went to quality hill to watch the fireworks. I can't believe how much shit gets blown off here, even babies are grasping onto sparklers. I cant imagine how much sulphur gets drained into the american skies on the fourth of july. god bless.
there are fire flies everywhere at night, or they could just be roman candles that went haywire.
woke up today and walked down main street to the liberty memorial. maybe i am not patriotic enough to fully enjoy it. i enjoyed observing the types of people who did enjoy it rather.
locals seem nice, i went back to the market where i got off the bus the first day and apparently i made quite the scene because several people recognized me from the day before, asking what i was doing there again.
whenever i tell people i am from canada they instantly talk about health care.
i bought the largest apricots i have ever seen, they are nearly the size of grapefruits.
walked down to the misouri river and saw vasts lots of empty chairs and tents set up from the previous night. there are left over fireworks everywhere.
one of caitlins roomate bought sticky fly tape to trap flies and other bugs, after one night the two foot strip was vibrating with black shapes and had to be changed.

roots

oh happy canada day.

american tease

the last real night in ny: the hostel group invited me to go to a cabaret burlesque show of sorts at a venue called the slipper. it started out with this woman who seemed to hate her job dancing (filling time before the show begins) in front of a crowd frantically buying drinks, inhaling cigarettes over loud obnoxious beats. She stands on stage under really hot lights, secretly rolling her eyes after thirty minutes of what turns into light swaying, sweating while the crowd watches her smirk and feel sorry for her almost slave like dancing. then the show begins!! Naked fire spinning, fire hoola hooping, general strip teasing, then a daredevil who staple guns his arms, walks on glass, bashes his hand with a can of beans, puts his arm in a rabbit trap, a michael jackson strip tease, the feature queen la queefa, it was all really really campy. It reminded me of a john waters film. actually alot of the people in the crowd could have starred in his films.
spent the next day chilling out in central park for most of the day.
around 10pm i went to the greyhound station and saw all the crazy american bus travelers. I thought seattle was full of loons, nyc is like a hub of them all. I was secretly looking for someone I could spend 20 hours with and perhaps sit beside on my ride. I found a girl from Korea studying in nyc to become a television news broadcaster. she had such a strong korean accent and didn't know much english, that I doubt she will ever been on any american news channels, man those guys are freaks, and also robots. she was going to ohio to see her a section of her family.
on the bus ride there was a person snoring that sounded like his nose was no bigger than a grain of rice, because his snores were such a high pitch growl that no ordinary human nose could have made them. there was also this baby who was the eraserheads babys doppleganger. he cried this guttoral moist cry and coughed and wheezed nearly all the way to cleveland. Oh i was in pennsylvania, cleveland, and indiana, and toldeo. Pennsylvania i only saw a gas station but from what i make out of it there are alot of christians as you could buy recordings of the weeks masses on tape, bibles and other pharaphenlia from the bleary eyes clerks at 3 am.
arrived in chicago at my couchsurfing destination. joe and ellen, they are amazing! they got this huge loft in bucktown. They have amazing records, she goes to SAIC and joe is interested in journalism. We bought some beer talked for hours then went out to a show. kinda lame show. got back and a girl from nyc was also staying the night who was going to london to study the next day but her flight was canceled. At this point I hadnt slept for nearly 24 hours, as the bus was like a livestock transporter rather than a commuter bus.
woke up to breakfast burritos, walked downtown, the buildings here are amazing. . its amazingly clean, went to the river, beautiful how it splits the city into two. actually it reminds me of las vegas, i dont know why, ah, its really really american! joe says how its the hub of all mid america. lots of god bless america shirts and everything that entails. thats the downtown portion though. where i am staying is really cool. snuck into the moca, bought wine and 5 tubs of ben and jerrys (joe and ellens idea) and now making black bean burgers with kale chips, fried plantanes and mushrooms.. listening to neil young.
today it rained.

i am ingesting billy jean

went the aperture magazine gallery. there was an exhibit on abstract ways of dealing with and looking at photography.
took the subway to williamsburg in brooklyn. i have never seen so many hipsters in my life. williamsburg was an old what seems to be industrial town, now theres modern condos at rockaway beach. but good record shops, book stores and everything else for a hipsters needs. it rained again just out of no where forming two giant rainbows on top of each other.
ate a burrito at rockaway beach at sunset.
headed back the hostel to draw, when everyone was predrinking to go out. so i joined. we went to two local bars with really good music. then we took an elevator with a bunch of kids, and ended up in andrew w k's apartment where a party was going down. the music was horrible, the worst ive heard to date, but the place was huge and there was free booze and shinanigins. sure enough michael jackson was played. got home around 5am.